In our lives we have times we say, “That was my most embarrassing moment.” Most of the time things smooth over and the moment is forgotten and life goes on. I really think I have had more than my fair share of these times. Most have happened because of my gullibility, or because I thoughtlessly have put myself in the position to be embarrassed.
There is one which has been with me for 47½ years. It happened when I was just 18 and a very new bride. The blog about our marriage is here:
I have mentioned when I married my man he was into caving. He didn’t just crawl around in them. He was a cartographer. He delighted in measuring and recording important facts about the caves. We had been married 5 months and he had not gone on any of the spelunking trips. When I asked him why he said he didn’t want to leave me home. He wanted to be doing stuff with me. I told him I had never been caving but there is always a first time. I told him the next trip I would suit up and go along. We camped and hiked, I figured it couldn’t be much different, just a hike underground.
The first of January the group decided they would head to a cave in Illinois. That day there were 13 guys and me. None of the “girls” were going, all had previous engagements. It was 6 below, actual temperature. When I mentioned this to hunny he replied, “It’s warm inside the cave.” Looking back I am not so sure the girls didn’t plan not to go because of “the conditions”.
Hunny told me to pack a full set of extra clothes including shoes and a towel for when we came out of the cave. He said we will get extremely muddy. That was fine with me I am not afraid of mud.
We set out very early in the morning; it was a 2 hour drive to the location. We had to walk about ½ mile to the entrance of the cave in the middle of a corn field. I was wondering how there would be a cave in a flat corn field. I knew from nothing about caves but presumed they were in the sides of hills. I forgot about sink holes which I imagine it sort of was.
We arrived at the “cave” and it was explained to me to get into the cave we needed to climb down this “chimney”. It was a natural tube straight down into the earth. It was about 30 feet straight down (you put your hands and feet on one wall and your back on the other side and shimmy down the tube). When you get to the bottom you have to slide your feet back down the tube which is now right angles to the vertical tube. When you back into the tube you have to start going forward into another tube.
At this point I asked the question, “To get out do we have to shimmy back up?” I was told there was another way out. I wondered why we couldn’t go in the out hole.
We are now crawling on our hands and knees and I am asking, “Are we there yet?” These rocks are dimpled like they have been hit with a ball peen hammer. From eons of water dripping from the surface above it has thousands of little pits with nice sharp edges which are digging through my jeans into my flesh. I am already beginning to regret my decision to encourage hunny in an activity he loves.
The Tube was only about 60 feet, but it was the longest 60 feet I ever crawled. We came out of the tube into a big room. I thought now this is more like it. Bats and other creatures were moving around because of the lights from our helmets. At that time carbide lanterns were attached to hard hats. Everyone is starting to shed their jackets and stuff and packing lights in waterproof containers and getting out waterproof flashlights. Hunny tells me we have to go under water to get to the next room. He explains the water level has risen and the entrance is 6 feet under the water. I am told the entrance is only a 3 wide foot hole leading to the main cave. He also says we’ll be fine when we come out on the other side albeit very wet. Did I mention caves are 57 degrees? When you are wet, that is cold.
I am not afraid of water but the idea of going into deep water and crawling through a tube and coming out soaking wet, drenched the romantic idea of doing something for hunny and with hunny. I told hunny I couldn’t do it that I would wait here for them to come back. He said, was I sure? I asked them how long it would be and they said a couple of hours. I told him I would be fine I would traipse around the room looking at stuff and maybe even lie down on the bags and take a nap. They refilled my carbide light and said I was good to go. They headed off into the black pool, one by one. I knew right then, watching them, I had made the correct decision to stay behind. My imagination was working overtime.
One hour turned into two hours and I expected them to show up. I watched the watery hole getting more anxious as the minutes slowly passed; each minute growing exponentially longer. Three hours had passed and I thought I saw my head lamp flicker. I looked around for another lamp. I figured I could light it. I couldn’t find anything and there were no flashlights left behind in any bags. I found if I sat still the light burned stronger, but it was getting weaker and weaker. I am getting more worried. You’ll never know total darkness till you’ve been in the bowels of the earth.
My light goes out. At first I wasn’t bothered; I thought they should be back any moment. The animals had become very quiet, so I wasn’t worried about them. I was having trouble keeping track of the time. In fact I was really having trouble sitting up. When you are in total darkness you really begin to doubt your senses. I have never been afraid of the dark but this was a different dark.
I had no idea how much time had gone by it was beginning to feel like forever. I was really worried for the guys that something had happened to them. All of a sudden I heard the splashing of water and someone said, “Why the Hell is it so dark in here?” At this point I am already almost in tears from fear and now I am in tears from relief. I hollered, “What time is it, my light went out a long time ago and I have been sitting in the dark.
I was told they had complications and had gotten stuck and then they had to find another way and on and on. The gist was they had been in the other part of the cave for 5 hours. I had been in the dark for 2 hours. They were laughing and joking about their adventure and I was wishing we were out of this “hole”. We started walking out the back way, which to me, looked like it would have been able to be used as an in way. But who am I and what do I know! We get outside and it is about 0 degrees. The wind is blowing and my clothes are freezing to my skin. We head over to the bags we left in the field with dry clothes in them. Hunny starts getting undressed and I asked him, where should I get dressed? He says, “Right here, unless you want to freeze.”
My jaw drops and I said, “I can’t get naked in front of all these guys.” He said then get dressed quicker, while they aren’t looking.” I said, “You are going to pay.” I am blushing so much that my body doesn’t even feel the cold wind whipping around my ankles. My fingers though, are so cold I can hardly grip the elastic on my underwear to pull them up. And forget about clasping the bra. In ‘64 you didn’t go braless, fumbling with the hooks I thought the skin on my fingers would split. I couldn’t look anyone in the eye when we were finished dressing. I just knew they had been staring at me getting a free peep show. I was so embarrassed. You see, I had only ever undressed in front of my hunny. The thought of an entire audience was mortifying.
THE AFTERNOON GETS LONGER
We had to walk the half mile back to the car. I am very cold and very upset from what I perceived to being the most embarrassing moment in my life. We had gotten up early so I am tired from that. And hungry, did I mention the only “treat” they had was peanut butter sandwiches. I abhor peanut butter sandwiches. Hunny had neglected to tell me we should bring a snack. I would have killed for a candy bar. I really wanted some hot soup or even a cup of coffee. He said we don’t carry much into the cave because we have to carry it out.
I told him we needed to look for a diner when we get on the road. We were back in the sticks. On the way there I don’t remember seeing even a gas station the last hour of travel. We did find a little place and I was so tired and cold and grumpy all I wanted to do was get back in the old Plymouth and head home. The guys stuffed their faces and we all split up and headed home. Hunny’s college roommate was riding with us and they decided because it was late he would come home with us. It’s about 9:30 in the evening when we get home.
Home is a mobile home which is 8’x 48 feet.
That size mobile home comes only with a 20 gallon hot water tank. You can take a fast shower with 20 gallons but I wanted a hot soaking bath. Every bone in my body ached and I was so cold I couldn’t get warm. I told hunny they could do anything they wanted but I had dibs on the bathroom. If they needed to pee they knew where the front door was. I fill the tub with all 20 gallons and dilute with a little cold water. Do you know 20 gallons doesn’t put but 4 inches in a full size tub. I didn’t care I climbed in, figuring the heater was reheating and I could add more. The phone rings at this point.
Hunny answers the phone and it is an old buddy of his at the train station. He needs a ride, Hunny to the rescue. He hollers we’ll be back in an hour and a half. I responded I don’t want to be alone I hurt so badly. He said our friend would stay. I said okay, but thought, what could our friend do for me?
When the water got hot again I added more to the tub. I realize I was getting wrinkly from being in the water so long and the water was getting cold, I better get out. When I tried to move my arms up on the side of the tub to sit up and scrub up I realized none of my muscles would work. I couldn’t pull my self up. I couldn’t even sit up to let the water out of the tub. What would I do? I couldn’t call the friend to help me up. I am getting chilled again and panicking about what to do. I decided to call out to the friend and ask him what I should do. He listened through the door and said he would have to come in and help me. He told me to grab the towel and cover up. Guess where the towel was. Clear across, on the wall, from the tub. I told him to back in and throw me the towel, mission accomplished.
Our friend turned around and let the water out of the tub and started to help me out of the tub. He had to kneel down and reach under my back and legs and lift me out of the tub (I couldn’t move anything; it was like I was paralyzed, all my muscles were limp). At that moment, when he is lifting me; it was embarrassing enough that his bare hands were on my back and legs but that is when the towel (which was heavy with water) chose to slide off. I am dying of embarrassment and crying. Our friend, I think was even more embarrassed than I, but I couldn’t see it from my side of the predicament. He laid me on the bed and covered me up told me he’d be in the living room if I needed him.
Hunny came home about half hour later and apologized to the friend and to me for being gone. I’m crying and telling him he can go caving anytime he wants but I won’t ever be going along.
With in a few weeks I realized he felt so strong about me not being able to share this part of his life. He had given up caving; the trip to Illinois was his last visit to the underground.
This blog began with the idea it would be a blog about our most embarrassing moments and really is a blog about the things we do for love.
This blog contains articles on quilting, sewing, cooking, some prose/poetry and some gardening.
This blog is about our gardening experiences, but contains some prose, and cooking. This year there are several entries about the wildflowers on our farm.
